i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What a dumb baby whore.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
