Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How naked do you want me to be?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
