my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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