you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
