ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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