My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
