I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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