Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
