Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
