i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
