That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
