she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
