I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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