I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
