Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
