So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
