im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
