i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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