Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
