singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
