I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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