Apparently you make a good broom.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
