im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
