things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
