I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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