Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
