nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
