i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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