just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
