Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
