She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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