do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
