i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sext me about skeletons
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
