Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
