nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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