if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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