His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
