I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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