How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
