dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
