4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
