i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
