come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
