Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
