Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Text me some of your sweat
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