is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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