So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
