He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
