Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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