Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
