Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
